9PM – Britney Spears opens the show with a lazy performance of her new single, “Give Me More”. Not even a minute into her performance, the Beauty Bug became so embarrassed for her that She could barely watch. Britney exerted next to no effort, and it looked like she was simply going through the motions and was in dress rehearsal. She couldn’t even fake-laugh when she was supposed to and there were numerous times when she just stopped bothering to lip-synch. How shameful. The Beauty Bug won’t even attempt to discuss her hair. Gross.
9:04PM – Sarah Silverman provides an opening monologue and adds Britney to her enemy list calling her babies “adorable mistakes”.The audience doesn’t seem to be into it. She addresses Paris by telling her, “I miss us.”
9:13PM – Rihanna wins her first award and takes the stage in an eye-catching magenta gown. Typically, The Beauty Bug isn’t a fan of magenta, but Rihanna wore it well.
9:24PM – A seemingly drunk Justin Timberlake wins his first award and challenges MTV to play more videos.
9:35PM – Beyonce wins an award with her collaboration with Shakira. It takes her about 10 minutes to get up to the stage, and when she does The Beauty Bug pauses the TV in horror to review her hair, dress and what appears to be a recent weight gain of 20lbs. Her dress looks like a gold lamé robe that belonged on the Statue of Liberty and at one point The Beauty Bug thought there was going to be a wardrobe malfunction.
9:57PM – The Beauty Bug text messages her friend Ami and they decide that Brit had to have been sedated during her performance.
9:58PM – The Hills girls present JT with his second award and once again challenges MTV to play more videos instead of reality TV. As much as The Beauty Bug loves the Hills, she enjoyed this moment. Irony at its best.
10:30PM – The Beauty Bug logs on to PerezHilton and there are already 3,753 comments about Brit’s performance.
10:34PM – The Beauty Bug makes the executive decision that Alicia Keyes needs a new stylist. Her pants are too tights on her, and her hair is just wrong and the headband looks like she belongs in an 80′s fitness video, and her crystallized boots are an eye-sore. Oy vey.
11:00PM – Hayden Panettiere is live from the Neutrogena suite, which is almost completely empty and looks so lame. Where are the seat-fillers MTV? Hayden got the shaft having to be stationed there all night.
UPDATE – Here are some explanations as to why Brit’s performance was as awful as it was - one of them claiming Britney was pissed because she knew what Sarah Silverman was going to say about her babies, even though Sarah was told that she shouldn’t.