The Oscars By Numbers, 2009

In short, this year the Oscars needed less bows, less belts, and a bit more color and bronzer to off-set the muted tones combined with pale skin…

8:35PM – Why did Anne Hathaway change? Anyone? Anyone?

8:45PM – The room fills with shrieks as the the former best supporting actors take the stage.  Tilda Swinton, who is channeling David Bowie more than ever, looks like she’s an embalmed mummy wearing a drape. Angelica Houston has fully become her former character, Morticia Adams. The Beauty Bug has no words for Whoppi Goldberg.  And finally, Goldie Hawn you need more dress up top. You should know better.

tina-fey8:55PM -Tina Fey is stunning in a silver gown as she presents with Steve Martin. Her skin and makeup look beautiful.

9:00PM – MILK wins for original screen play and The Beauty Bug Fiance comments that the LL Cool J’s “Milky Cereal” should play every time MILK wins. The Beauty Bug rolls Her eyes.

9:05PM – The Beauty Bug isn’t one for sequins, but loves Jennifer Anniston’s shiny number.

9:15PM – Sarah Jessica Parker presents with Danie Craig in her “barely mint” dress that doesn’t  fit up top, accented with a very distracting belt.

9:25PM -  Amanda Seyfriend and her bow take the stage. There’s two bows too many on the red carpet  – Amanda and Jessica Biel. Clearly, the same person who designed their dresses also designed Aretha Franklin’s Innuaguration Hat.

9:31PM  – Somewhere Joaquin Phoenix is really really pissed, and David Letterman is laughing uncontrollably.

9:53 PM – The Broadway medley with Beyonce is impressive, but She can’t lip sync to save her life.  The Beauty Bug is embarassed for her.

10:00PM – Quite amused by Jimmy Fallon’s tweet  - “Best Tony’s ever.”

ian-west-414510:03PM – The camera pans to Phillip Seymour Hoffman as Alan Arkin announces his nomination. He’s wearing a scull cap and looks as though he’s about ready to rob a bank. The Beauty Buy Fiance comments, and quite seriously may The Beauty Bug add, “I wonder if he just got hair plugs.” On a recent appearance on the TODAY Show, he describes his hair as “the bed-head of the Gods.”

10:45PM - Anne Hathaway has changed back into her red carpet dress.

10:53PM – The Beauty Bug is completely distracted and repulsed by Alicia Keys’ wig. Also, anyone else notice something different about her? Perhaps a new nose?

11:10PM – Queen Latifah sings her tribute song, and becomes the third person to dawn a bow. Three bows too many…

heidi-klum-oscars11:18PM – The show is coming to an end soon, and The Beauty Bug is worried that Heidi Klum won’t be making an appearance so, She’ll take this time to comment on her  frightening comb-over. It rivals Donald Trump’s.

11:29PM - Loving Halle Berry’s eye shadow.

11:30PM - Almost as frightened by Sophia Loren as I am by Heidi’s comb-over.

11:40PM - Adrien Brody looks like he’s a quarter the way to cramping Joaquin Phoenix’s style.

11:50PM – An additional comment to fit in -  Miley Cyrus looked like she belonged on a float in a Disney Parade. That dress was a shame.

And for the most important info on the night…

Best Dressed

Taraji P. Henson

Tina Fey

Angelina Jolie

Worst Dressed

Beyonce

Melissa Leo

Tilda Swinton

Miley Cyrus

Jessica Biel

2 Responses to The Oscars By Numbers, 2009

  1. Jess G.

    Hilarious. Best Oscars coverage I’ve seen yet.

  2. Leann

    not a fan of heidi klums hair, her hilights look like they bled!

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