The Golden Globes Red Carpet Timeline, BeautyBug Style

Not much has changed with regards to the Golden Globes – there were hits, there were misses,  there were reasons to fire one’s stylist (Zooey Deschannel),  and Lea Michele is still one of the most disliked people in Hollywood.

Here’s the rundown:

6:13  – Sarah Hyland arrives on the red carpet.  She is Mila Kunis‘ long-lost, better-dressed sister.

6:14 Claire Danes takes the carpet, sporting an up-do that could have only been done by her cat. Oops, Mitten forgot to use the Biosilk Therapy Treatment.

6:14  -The Beauty Bug sees London, The Beauty Bug sees France  -The Beauty Bug sees Piper Perabo proving that she has just as much of a boyish, curve-less body as Kelly Ripa in her sheer Theyskens’ Theory dress. Worst dressed nominee.

6:23 – The camera pans to Amanda Peet while Giuliana is interviewing Adam Levine, and The Beauty Bug immediately recognizes her dress – it’s her grandmother’s curtains.  No, she’s a 70′s version of Little Bo Beep. Worst dressed list.

6:29 -The E! camera captures Paula Patton on the carpet, and her night of insincere smiles and affected-ness begins. Help us.

6:30Jessica Chastain’s mini pompadour is wrong and ages her. Who does she think she is – Bruno Mars?

6:30BEAUTY SHOUT-OUT – Nicole Richie gives props to Suave Professionals.

6:35 – Giuliana interviews Sarah Michelle Gellar. Her dress looks like something The Beauty Bug tie-dyed at summer camp, or a spin-art creation meant for the refrigeration, and ONLY the refrigerator. She tells Giuliana that her 2 year old daughter picked it out. Instant worst dressed candidate.

6:44Frido Pinto drowns in her over-sized dress as Ryan interviews her. Worst dressed nominee.

6:48BEAUTY SHOUT-OUT – Julie Bowen tell Ryan that her day starts with her Jergens Moisturizer.

6:50 – Ryan interviews Lisbeth Salander Rooney Mara. Yawn. (Check out Bobbie Thomas photo -  to the right she shows us what the Rooney’s dress would have looked like if it was blue.)

6:54 – Oh, it’s just the Deschanel’s sisters (Zooey and Emily) and Zoey’s sideburns. Her delightful tuxedo nails can’t even make up for her Ashanti-like hair patches.

6:58Mary J Bleige and her pit-bulge arrive. Ga-ross.

7:17 -All bow to the red-lipped wicked queen. Don’t make eye-contact,  don’t question her people of Bosnia, and don’t  even think for one second that you matter.  The Beauty Bug shudders at the thought of having to hang out with her. Oh,  and… earth to Lancome.  For the love of Genefique, please send Brat Pitt some eye cream!

7:31 -Tina Fey hits the carpet. Poor girl still can’t wear a dress.

7:38Diana Agron and her “year of the swan” dress are talking to Ryan. Dreadful.

7:39 – Four words. Lea Michele, vocal fry. It’s so hot right now…except when it’s Lea Michele.

7:41 – Madonna doesn’t disappoint – she leads with her fake accent. She and Johnny Depp are soul mates.

TODAY – This just in – Lea Michele is still on the red carpet, posing.  Her poor publicist.

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